Pigeons Overtake Family at Notre Dame

The Key To Attracting People To You

One of the most fascinating parts of traveling or living overseas is the array of faces we see each day.  The world outside of our hometown Oklahoma, has so much more variety.  Over the years, we've come to love this diversification and recently read about what we can tell from a face.  Our faces can communicate so much whether its pain, love, attraction, compassion and we've found that even when a language barrier exists that we can impact those around us with our expression even more than with words.  Often we don’t even get a chance for words if our expression is sour but opportunities arise constantly when our face welcomes others.

This man is from a Bunong hill tribe whose language I do not speak.  But on this day, as I bought a coke from his stand and sat with his family, we communicated a lot and developed trust leading to good work accomplished in his village.

Dr. Albert Mehrabian, author of Silent Messages, conducted several studies on nonverbal communication. He found that 7% of any message is conveyed through words, 38% through certain vocal elements, and 55% through nonverbal elements (facial expressions, gestures, posture, etc).  Over the years, we've realized our expression has a lot to do with the message we want to communicate with others and whether we will ever have a chance.  In the countries we travel, nonverbal communication is so important because we are unable to learn all of the languages in our region.  Therefore, we work hard at communicating through our faces and actions.

Turning towards each other and standing close shows a desire to get to know one another and that we are engaged in that pursuit.

Michael Argyle, in his book “Bodily Communication,”  explains that non-verbal communication interacts with verbal communication.

We can reinforce, contradict, substitute, complement or emphasize our verbal communication with non-verbal cues such as gestures, expressions and vocal inflection.

How important this is in ANY relationship!  A good example is avoiding eye contact when we tell someone we love them as this communicates something far different than do spoken words, just as a bright smile when we say congratulations reinforces the sincerity of our words.

These Khmer children want to get to know the one behind the camera.  Do you see it?  It is amazing how that is all communicated right here.

What is your face saying today?  To your family, at the store, to your neighbors, or those you work with?  Are you approachable?  If you desire to increase the light and happiness to those around you, your expression is the key that will open that door.  It begins in our heart with our thoughts, gratitude, thankfulness, choosing to see the best in those around us. Often, I work with visiting teams who do not know the language in Cambodia.  I often hear them vent frustrations about their inability to communicate with those they came to love.  I always remind them of the impact their smile and nonverbal actions have on a community.

It still amazes me that whats in the heart comes out in our face.

This Khmer man received water for the first time in months during a severe drought in Cambodia.  His heart of gratitude, celebration, and joy is evident through his smile.

For you single folks! The Oral Health Foundation conducted research to finally prove that a smile is the most important physical attribute when it comes to attraction, second only to personality. Survey shows the winner is personality, with 90% of respondents rating this human attribute highly when it comes to attraction.  A smile came second (56%), closely followed by the face (53%) and eyes (51%).

Based on this, what would you like to change about your nonverbal and how?  Do you think that nonverbal communication is as important as they say?  Please comment here or send me a message.  I love hearing from you!

To read more: www.acoffeewithfriends.com

7 Relationships That Will Change Your Life

I have lived life in the jungles with long periods of time in isolation which has changed my life and perspective on many things but one greater than all is friendship. Some of my heroes and those I respect who have accomplished amazing things in this world, have relationships with those who believed in them, encouraged them, prayed for them, and even sacrificed to see their goal accomplished. So how do you meet “those” kind of people. The answer may not be what you think. Often in this world, we look for those who are more successful, richer than us, and more powerful because we think that will help us. But, let me share with you the kind of friendships you should have in your life to help you reach your goals, to bring happiness, to endure with you, to empower you, and encourage you when times get tough.

Make friends with a lot of people who are much poorer than you.

Why? Because they will teach you about yourself. I have found that sharing meals, kids playing games together, and talking about life with those who have less can change my heart, perspective, and fill me with great contentment. Often these friends can be our greatest cheerleaders in life and often live a life less distracted by material things.

Make friends with those who are accomplishing goals that benefit others more than themselves.

Why? Because if you read anything about happiness, you’ve read that it truly is “better to give than to receive.” Those who live a life giving more, have wisdom to share that only they can understand and explain to you. They have secrets that you will need to learn.

Make friends with those who are already in a tight knit community.

Why? Because they know how to live life with others and can make the most loyal of all friends. These are the ones who may bring you in to a group prepared to love and care just as they have for each other. Don’t instantly label a group as a “click” but feel them out to see if they are welcome to outsiders as yourself. You may be surprised to find that its their genuine love that binds them together.

Make friends with many other nationalities.

Why? There are more reasons than I can mention in this blog but here are the best three. Their ideas are likely better than yours (even if you are an American:). They can probably do it more simply, naturally, and less expensive than you can. Their perspective can make you better such as Asians teaching me that living life as a community is better than striving alone as an individual.

Make as many friends with those who have suffered much in life.

Why?  You can’t change the ocean or the weather, no matter how hard you try, so it’s best to learn how to sail in all conditions. You may have to go to a nursing home for this one but I challenge you to go today. Many have suffered through war, depression, poverty, homelessness, addiction, rejection, hunger and many have never suffered, or not yet. Learn lessons now and if you can “interview” these friends as they may likely be willing and desire for their story to be told.

Make friends with those who are confused, lost, and a bit immoral.

Why? You never know, you may be the one who is a bit confused, lost, and immoral, or judgmental to those who are.  Either way, our hands should always be stretched out. I have found that deep down we are all a little or a lotta broken and sometimes we need to be reminded of that.

Make friends with your Creator.

Why? People will let you down, even the good people, but only the one who created you can meet all your needs.

This holiday season, remember that friendship can bring happiness and joy to your life so increase your circle today.

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7 Ways That Play Can Change Your Life

What percent of your day do you feel stress?  Why should you laugh, play, and find humor when this world is so stressful?  When surrounded with concerns about our government, money, relationship issues, and work, how in the world can you find the time and place to laugh?  After feeling crushed then burned out, I discovered the truth about laughter.  I've found that laughter, humor, and play must be a part of my life each day in order for me to be physically, spiritually, and mentally healthy!  After reading these reasons why, you will realize this too. Of course, if you feel your quality of life is as high as possible, that you spend most of your days laughing already, and you never seem to struggle with stress, then please email me so I can have you write some blogs for all of us! Or we will call you a pathologic liar!:) For all others, read on. . .

Seven Reasons Why Laughter Is So Important For You

1. Laughing makes you smarter and more successful.  
2. You get fresh perspectives on issues in your life when you laugh everyday.
3. Humor increases pain tolerance. By increasing endorphins!
4. Laughing helps you sleep.  It increases melatonin at night.
5. Relationships last longer if there is play, especially marriage.
6. Life is longer with play.
7. Quality of life is rated higher with play.

To read more, you can check out these articles here (of course after your done reading this blog!) How being playful can help you live better.  6 scientifically proven reasons to laugh more!

After living in Asia for 16 years, I have realized that happiness has so much to do with perspective.  We have met Asians who have nothing; no water, food, nor healthcare but we watched them laugh and enjoy humor.  After all this evidence, many of you are still saying that you cannot find laughter and humor in your life.  Maybe its the job your in, marriage issues, or your just not "one of those people."  We relate (well at least one of us does!) So, keep watching for the next post as we talk about play and humor in lives where it doesn't seem to exist or even be possible!

I know you have some thoughts on this topic!  Please share here.

To read more from me! Check this out: www.acoffeewithfriends.com

Learn Positivity From This Child To Increase Your Happiness Today

      It caught my attention years ago, traveling in 100 degrees heat with a broken air conditioner while stuck in traffic in an Asian city.  I was just trying my best to hold myself together when I looked into the backseat to find 4 very sweaty red faced children.  "Hold on a bit longer guys. I think its breaking up now."  But I knew better.  I sat and listened to the youngest looking out the window talking quietly to himself.  I asked what he was looking at.  "Mom, I love living here," he said.  "This city is so pretty."  I looked out to see what in the world good that he could be seeing on this miserably hot day!  It was piglets piled on the back of a moto.  "Do you think thats pretty?"  "Mom! All baby animals are pretty but only here we can see them in the middle of the road!"  I realized he was right.  Though it was Hot, we had just bought cut and peeled mangos along the road, the views around our car are never boring, and the people smile at us as we drive by.

Not saying its humane, just saying we saw it!

Our goal for 2017? Learn to appreciate what is front of us now.  Learn to be content with what we have and where we are.  Learn to open our eyes constantly to the blessings in front of us each day.

The picture below is a favorite.  It reminds me what my children don't see, IF taught to appreciate the world around them.

Children take in what is around them. They feel the world with all of their senses.  (Sometimes to their detriment.)  But, they also follow my lead.  How many times have I yelled "turn off the devices!" while staring at my own.  I'm learning to enjoy silence.  I'm teaching them to enjoy silence.  I'm learning to be bored without feeling guilty.  I'm teaching them to be bored without complaining.  I'm learning to love all people.  I'm teaching them to love all people.  And, we are all learning to be content wherever we dwell in this world.

"Let nothing disturb you,

Let nothing frighten you,

All things are passing away:

God never changes.

Patience obtains all things

Whoever has God lacks nothing;

God alone suffices."

-- St. Teresa of Avila

Where are you at on this journey?  Please share with me what it is you are learning now. For my about my journey visit: www.acoffeewithfriends.com